So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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