i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
