so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
