i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
