I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
