We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
