Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
