Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
