oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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