can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
