I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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