is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
