You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
