You're completely useless in the revolution.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
