He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
