I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
