So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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