He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
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Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I currently don't understand fingers.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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