Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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