you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
