That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
