I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
