i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
