when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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