STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
