wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
