like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
