I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
