I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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