K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
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Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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