are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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