yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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