I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
