im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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