You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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