every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
