I love black thongs
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
