I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
