for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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