the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have never encountered a chode in the wild