Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.