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I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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