i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
