I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.