so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"