Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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