i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
