The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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