Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.