Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.

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(309): "Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me. http://tfl.nu/fmev

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(425): View more from Washington

Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.

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(425): Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years. http://tfl.nu/f3i9

Replies (8) Good night (787) Bad night (3647)
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(831): View more from California

Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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(831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9

Replies (20) Good night (6626) Bad night (1315)
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(646): View more from New York

why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?

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(646): why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night? http://tfl.nu/e1cc

Replies (9) Good night (1631) Bad night (850)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.

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(615): The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment. http://tfl.nu/6ofo

Replies (7) Good night (2167) Bad night (955)
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(240): View more from Maryland

planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?

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(240): planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you? http://tfl.nu/bdmu

Replies (7) Good night (1527) Bad night (783)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.

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(860): She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused. http://tfl.nu/7uxa

Replies (12) Good night (3499) Bad night (1274)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.

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(304): Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea. http://tfl.nu/ejed

Replies (6) Good night (2605) Bad night (772)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.

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(586): Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba. http://tfl.nu/rgqz

Replies (3) Good night (1604) Bad night (726)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.

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(515): Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me. http://tfl.nu/qah0

Replies (9) Good night (710) Bad night (1952)
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(906): View more from Michigan

Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.

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(906): Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists. http://tfl.nu/e9b4

Replies (3) Good night (1137) Bad night (991)
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(949): View more from California

We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.

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(949): We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex. http://tfl.nu/qzkw

Replies (14) Good night (2539) Bad night (471)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man

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(262): I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space (262): Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man http://tfl.nu/r48t

Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (320)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.

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(306): You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl. http://tfl.nu/2a6m

Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (294)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes

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(702): I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes http://tfl.nu/0alc

Replies (1) Good night (480) Bad night (193)

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