umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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