can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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