I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
