i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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