I look better un-naked...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
