yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
