haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
