I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and she was petting her beer can
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
