you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
