this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
