the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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