I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
