Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
