drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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