We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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