i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
