His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
