And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
