I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
