What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
