The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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