He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
