Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
