youre lurking in front of me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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