someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
