U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
