Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
