There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
