She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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