The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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