New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
