dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
