take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
