Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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