At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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