Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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